Seabird she flies .... thoughts on a life and death

A song ....

Ariane Lewis, Tin Shed Cafe, Thirroul, 10/03.

A song can change your life, even if only for a short moment ..... One such song is Phantasmagoria in Two which I first heard one cold, dark and misty night, around the turn of the new millennium. It was introduced to me by a friend, Ariane Lewis. She is no longer with this world, having passed on at the age of 27, on 27 April 2007. I came to call her Ari or 'Rain. We had met by chance and prior to this night had communicated through email on all sorts of matters - politics, the local scene, earth and sky, Indigenous issues, and writing. The emails became lyrical, poetic, and full of emotion. A connection slowly developed as we both exchanged words and thoughts. We would meet up on occasion, but most of the contact was online or on phone. For some reason we did a lot of that - my marriage had fallen apart, and she was full of life, energy and activity. She had so much going on in her life at the time, but squeezed me in thought late night online discussions and exchange of thoughts.

So we came together one cool, full moon night, some time around November 2001, and the clock has just passed ten. She had invited me over to listen to some music, discuss politics, and imbibe in a cup of tea. Ariane and I shared an interest in the plight of Tibet, and she had been studying Tibetan Buddhism for a number of years. Once the tea was served, we sat down on an expansive lounge, with the room lit only by moonlight falling in through some large, floor to ceiling glass windows. The night was still, late spring, and silent. I could hear no other sound apart from our words and the music of her choice.

Ariane got up and moved towards the sound system, next to a large television. She said, as she inserted a CD into the machine, "I'll play you some Tim....."

I sat there enchanted by her ethereal presence - younger than me, but older and so, so much wiser, in a way I could not fathom. Was it due to previous lives? Yes, no doubt in my mind. Had she lived before, or just achieved so much in her relatively short 22 years on this earth at that point in time? The answer was probably: Both.

That night I was ready to take it all in, unconcerned by the world around, and focused by the meditative stillness of her presence and the location, snuggled under a mountain covered in dense green foliage. It was one of those magic nights where nothing else existed except the moment, the place, and the music.

Phantasmagoria in Two by Tim Buckley came on and we sat there in complete silence, listening. She looked at me, at my reaction, and my focus. I think I began to smile, or, at least I felt a strange joy come over me, for this song was a pure expression of love, like I had never heard or felt before. It was beautiful. At the time it struck me as incredibly moving, mystical and magical. Just like her. It was a simple acoustic song, with some electric guitar in the background as the recording was from a live concert in London on Monday, 7 October 1968. The words were the key, weaving a strange mood, and most especially the phrase: And everywhere there's rain, my love. Simply guitar (acoustic and electric) and voice, and a plaintive plea from the heart for love - to experience love, its pain and joy, to have and to lose, to share or simply know it, perhaps alone when love was lost. It now reminds me of Nick Drake's exquisite Strange Meeting II, a song she also introduced me to, either that night or shortly thereafter. It is one of the most fragile and beautiful songs I have ever heard....

Nick Drake, Strange Meeting II, YouTube, duration: 3.39 minutes.

During the brief time that we knew each other, Ariane spoke often of Nick and Tim. Those two songs - connected by the words Two / II - have stayed with me ever since, though the one who introduced me to both of them has gone, lost to cancer at the tragic, pop star age of 27. Whenever I hear Phantasmagoria in Two, it takes me back to that first hearing; that first sitting with her, under the moonlight, and sharing the music she knew and loved. She passed that love and emotion on to me, and for that I am eternally grateful. It is as though the melancholy of the lives of Tim and Nick - both dying early from drug overdoses - was to pass on to her, and to us.... To Tim, to Nick, and to that well of feeling and emotion that they both opened up in me - a feeling of sheer ecstasy, natural, real and sublime - to them, and to her, it is clear that the music, the words, and the performances will remain forever with me. How could one not want to repeat it, revel in it, and know it over and over.

Phantasmagoria in Two

If a fiddler played you a song, my love
And if I gave you a wheel
Would you spin for my heart and loneliness
Would you spin for my love.
If I gave up all of my pride for you
And only loved you for now
Would you hide my fears and never say
"Tomorrow I must go."
Everywhere there's rain my love
Everywhere there's fear.
If you tell me a lie, I'll cry for you
Or tell me of sin and I'll laugh
If you tell me of all the pain you've had
I'll never smile again.
Everywhere there's rain my love
And everywhere there's fear.
I can plainly see that our paths have changed
Our sands are shifting around
Need I beg to you for one more day
To find our lonely love.
Everywhere there's rain my love
And everywhere there's fear.

Phantasmagoria in Two is one of those classic, heartfelt, modern songs that moves you in a physical and intensely emotional level.

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Something undefinable.....

Ariane Lewis was a unique individual - an extraordinary person, actually. The present writer knew her fleetingly. However, though the relationship was short - spanning just 3 to 4 years - it was, for about half of that period, intense. On one occasion, during 2002, we shared a stage. It was the occasion of a Free Tibet evening at the Tin Shed Cafe in Thirroul. Ariane, as usual, had organised it and the Australian representative for the Government-in-Exile was present - Tenzin Phuntsok Atisha. I spoke briefly, as the Member for Cunningham, as did Ariane and Atisha, and a friend read a poem.